Newsletter sign up!

Hi friends!

Just a quick heads up that you can sign up for my monthly newsletter here— just enter your email address. You’ll be able to see past newsletters in the archive.

A reminder that my current writing and links to my mini-blog posts on instagram can now be found at stephebert.com

What’s the newsletter about?

The various pressures of twentieth-century living have made it almost impossible for the young mother with preschool children to have any solitude.”

– Madeline L’Engle, on writing in her 30’s with small kids.

While this quote could depress me, as the eternal optimist, I find hope in the “almost”. Mothers have always done almost impossible things: from giving birth, to scraping together enough pantry scraps to make a meal, to caring for family members, to getting us the right to vote, to managing to find missing lego pieces. 

I am interested in walking in the legacy of these literary foremothers who somehow managed to write while having children: from Anne Bradstreet, a puritan poet with 8 kids, to Ida B. Wells who led the crusade against lynching, nursing children in tow. 

What to expect

Each newsletter comes out monthly, and has a snippet of research about our literary foremothers, highlights on our tiny house adventure (with toddlers!) and links to my thoughts on simple living, minimalism, tiny houses, literature, and occasional poetry found on my blog and instagram. 

Thanks for reading!

Hey there— I’m moving!

Hey friends,

Thanks so much for following along my (increasingly sporadic) blogging over the past several…eight?!… years! I just wanted to let you know that as I’m concentrating more on writing this year, I’m moving my writing over to my site stephebert.com

If I did it right, you should be able to still find all the old blog posts under “articles”… and hopefully some new writing will be coming out of there soon.

I’ll still be blogging over there occasionally, so you’re welcome to subscribe, but I’m hoping to set up a monthly substack newsletter pretty soon. In the mean time you can find me on facebook or instagram: steph.e.writes

My big writing goal for the year is to research literary foremothers: writers who were also mothers — and how they did it. I’ll still be writing about social justice stuff, because it seems to be the only way I can process it all. And of course I’ll also be trying to share more about simplicity and tiny house living.

Thanks for following along this journey with me… some of you I’m now friends with in real life because of this blog, which is fun! Others of you I’ve always known in real life, and the thought you read my writing (and talk to me about it) is a real joy. Your comments, encouragement, and questions were always so thoughtful, and it has been a real privilege to get to process my life experiences in community with you. Thank you!

Juneteenth & Youth Day

It’s been a strange few weeks, and there are many better equipped people to be talking about this! If you don’t have much time or mental space, just stop reading this and go become a Patreon member at First Name Basis or follow Equal Justice Initiative and read their stuff! But writing has always been how I put things together, and maybe it will help someone.

My family is from Texas, my mom actually grew up near Galveston, and I have vague recollections of being told about Juneteenth and why it is important. But living in South Africa, we never celebrated it (although we did celebrate Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July with our American friends).

These past few weeks, we’ve seen statues of confederate generals coming down, and calls to include Juneteenth as a national holiday at the same time that people have also been advocating for an end to police violence and full scale criminal justice reform. The Equal Justice Initiative has been advocating for an American version of Truth and Reconciliation Commission to talk about the history of terror that has been visited on black people in America from enslavement to lynching to incarceration. Meanwhile there is a push towards discussion of reparations at the national governmental level.

On the one hand, taking down statues and making public holidays seems kind of like “window dressing” when compared to abolishing the police or ending mass incarceration. Like, are we going to take down some statues, declare some national holidays and call it all good? Hopefully, hopefully not. If I’m honest, though, there is also a part of me that feels uncomfortable about Juneteenth as a white person.  Yes, it’s celebrating the end of enslavement for so many people, but it also highlights the fact that there were enslavers. Explaining to my white three year old why we are having strawberry lemonade and red velvet cake feels way more complicated than explaining why we are having sugar covered sweet potatoes at Thanksgiving (of course, it’s shouldn’t be, but that’s another post).

But then I remind myself, that I’m already doing this. In South Africa, we just celebrated Youth Day. It’s a public holiday- no work, no school. We remember the youth of South Africa in 1976 who protested against the apartheid government for the right to education. They took to the streets, and children were injured. Children were killed. Police violence at its height. It made headlines. It “woke” some people. It was still many years until our first democratic election in 1994. It is in no ways a “happy” day to remember. It wasn’t a memory of a victory. But it was a memory of resistance, and a memory that needed to be mourned.

And so, when our first democratic government had power, one of their tasks, along with the constitution, was to come up with a way to have a shared history for our country. The Truth And Reconciliation commission gets a LOT of flak in South Africa these days for being ineffective. It was ineffective at reparations and convictions of crime. Almost thirty years on, we still have massive economic inequality on racial lines and many feel the TRC was just to make white people feel they had “done something” so they didn’t need to take the next step to restitution.

But, for all its flaws, I think it was pretty effective at helping us come up with a shared narrative for our history. Most of us agree what happened. Eight years after the TRC, I was taught from the South African national syllabus a very robust condemnation of apartheid. I was taught about the human rights violations, about the massacres and deaths, about forced removals and the Bantu Education Act, which denied black people access to quality education. People might argue and complain about the details, or where we go from here, but at least we have a basic agreement on the essentials of what happened. The conversation is in the same universe.

Our government also had the task of taking moments from history that had previously been celebrated, and reworking them into a new narrative.

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Nelson Mandela statue at the Union Buildings in Pretoria

They erected new statues next to the old colonial ones. Sometimes they removed the old ones, sometimes they just built much, much bigger ones of newer heroes to dwarf the old ones. They built new museums. They created a new national anthem. They re-named streets to be for apartheid activists, rather than colonial or apartheid heroes.

And they gave us new public holidays. Now, as a nation, we remember the women who marched to parliament to protest pass laws on Women’s Day. We remember the youth who marched for education and died on Youth Day. We remember the Sharpville Massacre every year on Human Rights Day. And sure, for some it’s just a day off. But even then, even if I have no traditions, I have to answer the “Why?” question.

“Mommy, why doesn’t Daddy have to work today?”
“It’s Youth Day.”
“What’s Youth Day?”
“Uhh, so remember we were talking about melanin and how some people have more and their skin is more brown? Well, youth day is a day that …. hmm…grown ups with skin like ours were being bad and saying that people with brown skin were not allowed to learn and have books they could read. Is that right?”
“NO!”
“Who made us?”
“God made us.”
“Yes, so that’s why it was very bad the white people were trying to stop people from learning. So the kids had to tell the grown ups they were doing something bad and to stop it. So its’ a day we remember the brave kids who said, “Stop doing those bad things!”

Yes. It is extremely awkward. Someone please tell me a better way to talk about this!!
It’s awkward telling your three year old, “White people oppressed people, and we’re white.” On the other hand — because of the bravery and sacrifice of those youth, my life is much richer and freer. There are heroes in this history that I want my son to learn from. I want him to be the kind of person who stands up to injustice. How’s he going to learn that unless I talk about it? Heck, I even wrote a blog post once about how I wanted more white people in my life to talk about this stuff. Why is it so much harder when it’s my own kid? And why is it easier for me to do with South African history than American history?

For me, I think a tiny part is that I didn’t learn this as a child. I learned about apartheid as a child- it was a fact of life. There were no “good old days” for me. Whereas my American history came through nostalgic children’s books and museums on visits to the States, which did not address a lot of these stories, or treated them as a “special interest group” part of history. American history is the history of AMERICANS. All of us. It’s white supremacy says that Juneteenth is a sideline celebration for some of us- not an integral part of our history. I need to reject that that lie. So when Jasmine from First Name Basis podcast shared ways to celebrate Juneteenth with your family, and why you should, I realized: this has to be for us, too. If we’re going to celebrate July 4th all the way over here in South Africa, we can celebrate Juneteenth!

We can make some red velvet cupcakes and talk about the resilience of enslaved people, their joy at their freedom, and the evils of slavery. We can talk about the resistors, black and white. And we can join with those who are asking all of America to do the same.

WAYS TO CELEBRATE:

Making Space

0-1.jpgPerhaps the strangest thing about motherhood, the part no one really told you, is how it takes up your space. How it hems you in.

How you used to start a day with endless choices and opportunities, and suddenly your options are limited by a tiny human who wants to eat at certain times, or needs you to get to sleep, or bring a cup of milk, or sing a song, or watch a duplo tower come crashing down and then wants help building it up again.

How you used to end the day with a soft collapse on your pillow, and now you tentatively lay down, shoulders still tense, ear cocked for a cry or a “MoooOOOOoooommmm!” How you wake up the next day with the same crick in your neck, to the same call.

There’s just not as much space. Continue reading

Lockdown Activities

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Things to remember when our kids ask us about the pandemic. So far, in this 40+ day lockdown, we have:

Handmade pasta

Let the toddler watch a “How stuff works” about corn, only to realise most of the video is about making whiskey.

Handmade most forms of bread: dinner rolls, tortillas, sandwich bread, cinnamon raisin bread, croissants, cinnamon rolls, naan.  Continue reading

Tiny house + 2 kids + 21 day lockdown

I’ve become borderline obsessed with the New York Times parenting newsletter over this period, mostly because I’m desperate to know how other people are surviving – what are they doing? How are they managing to work from home with kids? Is everyone else having adorable family time and complicated crafts and enriched learning experiences? 

My online perusal is one part commiseration, one part desperation to feel superior to someone, and one part “If I put my kids in the bath in the middle of the day and tell them to wash the duplo, I’ve just bought myself 30 minutes??! YES PLEASE.” (Also, seeing how stressed John Oliver was about working from home really made me feel better). Continue reading

On Comfort (Or, the Holy Spirit as doula).

So, in the social justice internet circles and books I read, “comfortable” is usually a dirty word. “Comfortable” is a sign you’ve sold out, you’ve bought into the American Dream, you’re valuing your own comfort over the justice that is required for the broader community. “Comfort” is right there next to “Convenient” and these are behind all the air conditioning, global warming, pre-packaged food, slave-labour priced clothes and CEO wages that lead to inequality. Comfort is bad*.

But this week I’ve been thinking about comfort. And how necessary it is.

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Photo by Kate Amos on Pexels.com

Continue reading

Blessed are the efficient?

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My view these days

Blessed are the efficient, for theirs is the Kingdom.

If you can’t tell, I’ve been wondering about this idea lately.

First, Jesus never said that. I think maybe he said several things to the opposite- things like the Kingdom is as small as a mustard seed, we cannot take the Kingdom by force… also he tended to say crazy things that scared lots of followers away, (like sell all your possessions, or embrace suffering). He took time for children, the ill, the social outcasts…generally not a very efficient guy. Continue reading

The inefficiency of cooking food

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End of pregnancy and early baby nursing days has meant Netflix for me. And for some reason, the shows I am obsessed with all revolve around cooking. COOKED. The Great Family cook off.  Salt, Fat, Heat, Acid.

This obsession with cooking has arisen at the same time I’ve been involved in our local REKO group – a local farmer’s exchange system, where small-scale farmers (really, anyone with a small garden) can post what produce they have available, and local buyers can pre-order it, then come collect it in person at a meet-up point once a week. Continue reading